You are the trip I did not take;
You are the pearls I cannot buy
You are my blue Italian lake;
You are my piece of foreign sky
-Anne Campbell-

I have heard and read the trepidation some mothers feel towards Mother's Day: the invariable "angel mother" talks given at church, the sappy Hallmark cards with hyperbole and cliches that perpetuate stereotypes impossible to achieve. While I have experienced guilt about the gap between the mother that I am and the "perfect" mother ideal (believe you me, by 7pm doing the bedtime routine by myself I am no angel mother), I haven't felt this same dread regarding Mother's Day.
I appreciate the fact that the nation takes this day to show reverence towards what I believe is a divine relationship: mother and child. As a society, it can't be a bad thing to take a day to reflect upon our family ties, especially those ties dealing with the very creation of life.

Many days, thoughts cross my mind that cause me to question the value of my role as a parent. Am I wasting my talents? I can't even keep my own shirt or my children's noses clean all day! When such negativity influences me, my parenting suffers as well. My patience with my children disappears. The spilt milk on the kitchen floor becomes a bigger catastrophe than it in reality is, since a clean kitchen floor somehow becomes an accurate measure of the value of my work.

Many days though, I parent with more joy. I am less critical and more generous with both myself and my children. These are the days I feel I am a better parent. Today I had several of those moments. Olivia's excitement over the bouquet of beautiful dandelions she picked. JT telling me, "I like your brown eyes." Why thank you, buddy! Seeing the uncomplicated joy my children find in a simple game of duck, duck, goose. Olivia's reminders and excitement about family night.

Reminding myself how short childhood is. Sounds cliche, but they are young for only a short time. There are so few years where I am the dominate influence in their life. Soon there won't be any little bodies clamoring to sit on my lap. As exhausting as it can be some days, this is such a wonderful time in my life! As I peeked in on Olivia tonight as she slept, I stopped for a moment to think about what it was that influences a child. What forces shape and teach a human from the time they are an infant to an adult? What influence will my parenting have? I believe it is my patience, love, and joy that will influence my children the most. Hopefully in our simple day-to-day life here at home, I can show through example how to be a good person.

More days than I would like to acknowledge, I have lost my patience and raised my voice at my children (mostly at Olivia--so sorry Livs). But, I hope that I am becoming better. I hope that my children don't feel that they are a burden or an annoyance to me, when in reality they are my greatest joy! Tonight, as I was kissing Olivia goodnight and telling her how I loved her, I started to tell her that she was special to me, when she interrupted and said, "I know. JT is your gem, and I'm your jewel. Cause I like to wear jewels" (she is really into dress-up right now). It is true. As cheesy and cliche as it sounds, I know that they and Mike are my greatest blessings.

I Laughed So Hard, I Cried . . .

Egg-Free, Dairy-Free, Soy-Free Muffins

I'm always experimenting with new muffin recipes for my kids. I finally found the perfect recipe. These were so good! Try them and let me know what you think!


1 3/4 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 to 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
3/4 teaspoon salt
3 teaspoons powdered egg replacer (EnerG brand is what I used)
4 tablespoons of water
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup canola oil
1 teaspoon vanilla
3/4 cup and 2 tablespoons of applesauce
about 1 to 1 1/2 cups fresh or frozen blueberries (or other fruit of your choice)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Insert muffin liners into twelve muffin cups (or grease well). Beat egg replacer and water until foamy. Add applesauce, oil, sugar, and vanilla to egg replacer mixture and mix well. Mix flour, baking soda, and salt in a separate bowl. Add dry ingredients to wet, and mix gently until completely wet (you don't want it powdery, but you don't want to over beat it either). Divide the batter evenly in the muffin tin. Press six or seven blueberries into each muffin. Bake for 27 to 30 minutes until toothpick inserted into the muffins comes out clean.

"Via" at Four

This birthday brought a few changes: no more diapers at night (You are skeptical about this one. "Why?" you have asked many times. I haven't found the best answer to motivate you yet) and four books at bedtime now (you like this one).

You are becoming so bright and capable. Just tonight we were making sugar cookies to decorate. You asked to roll it and cut the cookies yourself. Of course, at first I was hovering like a helicopter mom. Finally I left you to yourself and you filled the cookie sheet with neatly cut-out hearts all by yourself! I was impressed. Sugar cookie dough is not easy to do. When the dough ripped you found my cake frosting tool to help repair it and started all over again. I admire your persistence and quick thinking.

Art all day, every day. For your birthday you got a large Tupperware bin filled with scrapbooking paper, art supplies, glue, paint, scissors, embellishments, stickers--all the fixins'. You literally spend hours every day creating with your "treasures." No surface is left "plain" or "ordinary" (in your words).

Yesterday I needed a kitchen counter free of your constant project-paper mess for a few hours. It was as if I was depriving you of oxygen or something. Every thirty minutes you pleaded, "Mom, can I do my art set now!??"

You love to create. What a gift.

How to best describe your personality at this stage?
Active
Fun
funny
creative
outgoing
confidant
sharp

We love you Woogie-Boo!!

Miss Olivia is 4

I tried working with fondant for the first time. It wasn't too bad, except for the frosting colors I selected. I was thinking more along the lines of a soft baby pink, pastel yellow; instead the tiniest smidgen of coloring gave me BRIGHT pink and yellow!

The night before her actual birthday all the local cousins, aunts, and uncles, as well as Grandma and Grandpa Benson, came over to celebrate. Olivia's eyes lit up every time someone else rang the doorbell and came inside. She was so excited to have the whole family there just for her. It was neat to see her be queen for a night.

The next evening we went out to Gandalfo's as a family for Olivia's very favorite meal: plain turkey sandwich on white bread, barbecue potato chips, and "spicy soda". She opened more gifts at the restaurant, and after, the plan was to go to Build-A-Bear at the mall to let her design her own stuffed animal, but she was enticed by a mini-train ride that takes you all over the mall and went for that instead.

I loved being able to celebrate Olivia's birthday; she is the light of our lives!

Variation on a Theme

My kids have a lot of food allergies. This puts some restrictions on our family's meal planning, since between the two of them I cannot cook with any dairy (butter, cheese, milk, sour cream etc), eggs, soy, peanuts, or tree nuts. I don't say this to complain, because really I don't feel they are deprived a thing; there are still so many varieties of healthy foods and treats for them to enjoy. Overall, I feel these dietary restrictions have forced me to create healthier meals for our family. If it weren't for the allergies, I might be tempted to dump a can of cream of chicken soup over some egg noodles many nights and call it dinner!

My children almost eat a vegan diet, since they cannot eat any animal products like eggs or dairy--except we do eat meat sparingly (so obviously we are not vegan, since the kids do eat meat in moderation, just no other animal products).

Anyway, still, trying to come up with a variety of kid-friendly healthy meals for dinner within these dietary constrains can be somewhat of a challenge. Thank goodness for soups and stews. Always chock full of veggies and tasty, my kids will gobble these up without even knowing they are eating a bowl full of beans and vegetables (ha, ha, ha!). There are so many good base options: tomato, cauliflower, butternut squash, sweet potato, spinach, split pea, lentil, or carrot to name a few favorites. Pair it with some crusty bread (homemade, or the cheap and fresh made grocery store french bread will do in a pinch) and, viola, you have dinner! My only worry is that I will soon weary Mike's already stretched thin "meat and potato" tastes, since, literally, if I let myself, I could make a different soup every night of the week.

I'll have to post some more of my favorites another time (contemplating starting an allergy cooking blog), but for now, here is this week's favorite, Red Lentil Soup with Lemon:

(modified slightly from a recipe found on Allrecipes.com)

2 tb. olive oil

1 onion finely diced

2 cloves of garlic finely diced

1 tb. tomato paste

1 tsp. ground cumin

1/4 tsp. salt

1/4 tsp. ground black pepper

1/8 tsp. chili powder

4 chicken bullion cubes dissolved in 4 cups hot water

1 cup red lentils

1 large carrot diced

2 tb. lemon juice

3 tb. chopped fresh cilantro

1 to 2 tb. olive oil for drizzling

1 pinch chilli powder

Saute onion and garlic in olive oil for five minutes or until soft. Stir in cumin, tomato paste, salt, pepper, and chili powder. Saute for another one to two minutes and then stir in chicken broth and add carrot and lentils. Bring to a boil and then lower heat and simmer for about 30 minutes or until everything is soft. Using an immersion blender, or by pouring batches of soup into a stand blender, puree soup. Return to pot and mix in lemon juice and cilantro. Heat till warm, and just before serving drizzle with additional olive oil and sprinkle with chili powder.

JT Miscellany

What can I say about our little "Pooters" (nickname thought up by Olivia that has stuck!)?? He is nothing but sweet and fun these days at 21 months. He leaves us laughing and we love to squeeze and kiss his soft chubby face.

For several days I had heard JT insisting, "I wanna boo betty!" Of course we had no idea what a "boo betty" was, but soon put two and two together and discovered that he was requesting a bubble bath. This boy loves his "boo betty" time. Nothing is more hilarious than to hear his insistent raspy voice demanding, "I wanna boo betty"!

Olivia got this doll bed for Christmas. Though, apparently that morning began a little too early for JT's liking. I wonder if he was silently questioning why we got a bed that was two sizes too small??

Easy going; raspy, deep voice; happy all the time; emerging language that is too cute; obsessed with his "vroom vrooms" (cars and trucks); enjoys story time; loves his Daddy. We can't help but be enjoying Pooters every minute.

Olivia Miscellany

Since my blog posts are typically far and few between, I am very much not in the habit of documenting our daily life. Typically when I finally sit myself down to compose a blog post, my first tactic is to browse "My Pictures" for anything cute or noteworthy. However, since we're missing a storage card (thus left to work with storing just six pictures at a time on our camera's built-in memory) and our camera is badly in need of an upgrade, our pictures are not a good representation of our life.

However, I will take what I can get from the meager offerings of my picture folders, and try to retrieve some memories from the last three months for posterity's sake.

*************************************************************************************

There was a little girl,

who had a little curl,

right in the middle of her forehead.

When she was good,

she was very, very good,

but when she was bad she was horrid.

I am enjoying having a daughter. Always dreamed of having a girl a first. I was ecstatic when that 18-week ultrasound revealed little Olivia. While I would never, ever use the word "horrid" to describe my little Chica, the dichotomy of her personality is emerging in some interesting and entertaining ways. I can't help but be reminded of another little girl (now grown woman) who can go from sweet to sour a bit too quickly for her own mother's liking, I'm sure.

Olivia's days are filled with art projects (she is loving glue sticks, collages, paints, stickers, everything!), preschool, princesses, dress up, music and dancing, and helping mom however she can. She is doing really well in preschool and Primary (now a big Sunbeam in Primary), and I have seen some amazing developments these past six months in her social skills, imagination, and vocabulary. She is eager to please her parents and teachers and is our most excited participant in Family Night each week.

However, with all the change and development come some typical growing pains: her frustration when she can't do everything all by herself (some button holes are just too small and some zippers in the back are out of reach); a little toddler brother who interrupts games and grabs toys and does not understand all the rules; a mommy who often requires a bit too much patience from her big girl and who says "just a minute" maybe a few times too often; a beautifully active imagination that now conjures up monsters and other scares that sometimes make it hard to be all alone in her room at night.

So, while most days around here with Olivia are sunny and bright, she also isn't afraid to tell her Mommy dramatically when she's had "the worst day ever!" or when she "hates" something that has happened that day. She is bright, opinionated, creative, and fun. I'm so blessed to be her mother and just know this little girl is developing a strong personality that will serve her well in life.

All dressed up in her Christmas-Sunday best:

My "big pink, puffy marshmallow" (as she describes herself) already to go play in the snow. The snow has been loads of fun for Olivia. Sledding in Daddy's homemade hill off the back steps, snowball fights, snow angels, snowmen. "I wish I could just sleep out here and stay out here [in the snow]" she tells me one day as she came in from outside reluctantly.

Adventurous

When my sister-in-law called last week to invite us to a sweet "cabin" near Bryce National Park with her family and some of Mike's other siblings and their families, Mike was pretty unsure he would be able to leave work due to some deadlines. 3 pm on Tuesday, Mike confirmed that he would not be able to leave. My sister-in-law, who was going on trip sans husband with her four kids, invited me and the kids to go anyway, without Mike. The typical litany of reasons why I would fear going on a vacation alone with my kids immediately sprung to mind: the three of us sharing one bedroom without Mike to help negotiate middle-of-the-night tears over unfamiliar beds and surroundings; who would watch the kids while I worked out or showered?; trying to hike with an eighteen month old and a three year old. Yet, I love fall. I love hiking and the outdoors. I love family. I want my kids to love these things too. Sometimes, as a parent, I loathe to leave my comfort zone of routines and predictability. At 3pm I turned to a confused Olivia and said, "You've got to live a little, right Olivia?" And we threw our stuff together and were headed out of town in Mel's Excursion by 5:30 pm. We had fun.

Olivia and some of her cute girl cousins. Olivia and JT have 41 cousins on Mike's side of the family. People are often surprised to hear this number. I've never had anyone say this, but I wonder if some people imagine it would be hard to stay close and connected with an extended family this size. I must say that each of these little cousins is numbered and known and loved and remembered individually (except for that one time an unnamed aunt lost little Jake at the Stadium of Fire fireworks). My children are so lucky to have so many wonderful cousins living near (17 within a two-mile radius of our house) and far (Massachusetts). I feel grateful that my children's lives are benefited in so many ways by their large, generous, and caring extended family. And, I hope our trip this week added a few more fun memories to the bank.

Cape Cod 2009

Summary: Mom stinks at taking pictures! Yes, these are most of the very few pictures I took of our almost three week vacation to Massachusetts this past July and August. I'll sum up the trip:

Enjoying time with Nana and Pops
Nana's beach
Pops giving Mommy and Daddy some instructions on proper breathing technique for competitive swimming

Calico & Cream (why did I not appreciate this hidden gem more when living close. Grapenut ice cream and pink grapefruit sorbet, yum!!)

Ocean
Children not sleeping well when in different beds/setting than home
Mommy and Daddy getting little sleep : (
Frozen Hot Chocolate from the Chocolate Sparrow
Charming seaside towns: Welfleet and Newburyport
Olivia masters dunking her head in the water
JT eats too many raisins one of our first days + lots of days in swim diapers at the beach=we are plagued with diaper woes the rest of the trip

Spending time with cousins Tyler, Connor, Braden, and Keller.
Olivia discovers ice cream trucks
Bike rides with Nana
Mommy loves and misses scenic Massachusetts!